RELIGION
Taoism
Shit happens.
Confucianism
Confucius say: shit happens.
Buddhism
Shit happens, but it isn't really shit.
Zen
What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Catholicism
Shit happens, and you deserve it.
Protestantism
Let shit happen to someone else.
Judaism
Why does shit always happen to us?
Agnosticism
What is this shit?
Atheism
I don't believe that shit.
Christian Science
This isn't shit, and it isn't happening.
Jehovah's Witness
Let me in your house and I'll tell you why shit happens.
PHILOSOPHY
Idealism
In a perfect world, shit wouldn't happen.
Relativism
What's shit for you may not happen to be shit for me.
Realism
No matter what happens, shit is still shit.
Socrates
Nobody knows what shit's going to happen.
Plato
The idea of shit happens to be more important than any particular piece of shit.
Aristotle
Shit rolls downhill.
Descartes
I shit, therefore I happen.
Immanuel Kant
We can never truly know shit; we can only know the happening of shit.
Bertrand Russell
Logically, "shit happens" is an unproven proposition until the shit and the happening are specified.
Postmodernism
"Shit happens" is just another form of discourse.
New Age
What shit happened in your past lives?
SCIENCE
Relativity
How much shit happens in a given time depends on your frame of reference.
Copenhagen Quantum Mechanics
Shit doesn't really happen until you smell it.
Many-Worlds Quantum Mechanics
All possible varieties of shit happen.
Big Bang Cosmology
One piece of shit happening is all it takes.
Steady-State Cosmology
Shit happens at the same rate forever.
Inflationary Cosmology
Boy, that shit happened fast!
Cold Fusion
Shit can happen in my lab too!
Parapsychology
Guess what shit's going to happen next?
POLITICS
Liberalism
Shit always happens to the poor.
Conservatism
It so happens my shit doesn't stink.
Libertarianism
Everyone has the right to have the shit of their choice happen to them.
Capitalism
Whoever has the most shit makes things happen.
Socialism
Everyone gets the same amount of shit.
Communism
Nobody owns shit.
Civil Disobedience
I'm going to sit right here until shit happens.
Ronald Reagan
I don't recall that shit happening...
Dan Quayle
Pshit hapens.
Ross Perot
Well, y'know, I'll tell ya, no matter what ya do, shit's gonna happen, y'understand?
Al Gore
Shit happened faster after I invented the Internet.
Donald Rumsfeld
There's the shit you know is happening, the shit you know that you don't know is happening, and the shit you don't know that you don't know is happening.
Radical Feminism
Shit wouldn't happen if it weren't for men.